#let me fade away
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How was I supposed to know
I'd feel nothin' in my bones?
Been puttin' on a show for everybody but me
I've been comin' home alone
Dyin' fast and livin' low
At least that's how it feels when I can't sleep
If I fade away
Will they miss me?
They call my name
But it's too late
Am I supposed to know
I'd feel nothin' in my bones?
Been puttin' on a show
Shapeshiftin'
#bellatrixxmarierose#taylor acorn#spotify#music#going through the motions#can’t take it anymore#I don’t want to be here anymore#let me fade away
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walking through lucanis' mind prison. the tam lin of it all
#his mind keeps changing forms and you just have to show him you won't let go of him#it doesn't even really matter what you say to him just that you're consistently there to say it. your voice is a comfort. im in pain#I'm having so many feelings about like... rook can't be here. because of all things in the world rook means 'safe'. what if I exploded#what if I just shattered into a thousand pieces and was swept away by the wind actually#'it's better that I stay here than risk losing you' is such pitch perfect trauma logic. freeze logic specifically#on some level he seems to think he keeps rook safe like. existentially. by staying here#it's heartbreaking child magical thinking that makes me wonder like. has he basically been in a place like this inside#ever since his parents died? before that? the ossuary is just new set dressing the underlying logic is OLD. and very very sad to me#'I keep everyone safe by staying here'#(and then the perfect hilarity of having an actual demon be like 'ROOK. YOU TALK TO HIM HE NEVER LISTENS TO ME'#tfw your inner demon gets worried enough to stage an intervention and get you therapy whether you want it or not lmao)#dragon age#dragon age spoilers#dragon age: the veilguard spoilers#dragon age: the veilguard#rook x lucanis#lucanis dellamorte#rookanis#rye staying mostly in gentle professional mode for this one b/c this is literally his training#('I may not be batting a hundred at being a person but I DO know how to deal with fade shenanigans! not to worry I've got you')#except in that last part with the illario mind ghost where he roundaboutly admits 'I need you I don't know how to do this without you'#in rye speak that is very big it's like. third base of his soul or something. we do not ask for things for ourselves in this house#(because we already know we will not receive anyway so that sounds both humiliating and ultimately pointless. no thank you!)#and yet. the things we'll admit for love#the feeling that some of the things varric did for rye immediately post-exile rye is paying forward with lucanis now. don't look at me
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ghostwriter (their grandma would tell them she'd lose half her soul)
#or smth smth. having a lot of Thoughts. anyways here's the piece i've been working on and sometimes u have to just say Done#there's a lot of thinks but i am maybe a bit tired and so tmr i'll come in and add all the Tags that i'd personally want to get from myself#maybe i'll reblog the extras tmr too. this is an incredibly self indulgent piece + it probably deserves a tag ramble essay or smth#ig for now we see how it stands for itself + in the meantime:#adamandi#beatrix valeria campbell#hello!! i'm back with belated tags yippee!! alright so for funsies i'm going to make it sound like i'm going bonkers over this :3#the eye shine... the glowy eye... it's like phaethon shine but also smth about eyes to windows to the soul and like#there's two beatrixes here! half the soul. lost part doing things specific to the phaethon and here it's portrayed as tearing off her name#because that's really; truly; when it all starts!! also notable for the ghostly beatrix is i did it more painterly and cloaked in shadow and#fading into the bg. i think i was super duper specificish about where the glow comes from! front lighting back lighting beloved!!! like help#let's put it this way- beatrix face always glowy. important parts of paper also glowy. it's just that different elements are turned away#from the viewer by each beatrix!! also also. let's talk about the very gently implied blood and red etcetera#like the red string is canonical and i love personally the whole red strings of fate thing even though it's not Here Applicable exactly but#that definitely was an influence! and also the blood in the bg... i'm starting to think this is a recurring trend. but anyway shadowy bea#the other strings hang while the red string loops!! so like that one string feels almost alive. it's a sort of whimsical i put on the same#as metaphorical glowy eye!! also also the eye is lowkey influenced by the whole idea of Eyes and Spotlights within the show and also glow#as in power as in heyyy you ever think about writing as a visual medium huh#speaking of writing!! there is no beatrix thingy complete in my head without text sorrry but the black text overlays are always so >>> to me#and in the sense of art styles and overlays shoutout to all the black crosshatching outline thingys because For Some Reason in my mind#of all the characters beatrix feels like the bnw ink printed illustrations you get in books idk#fun fact! i spent so long rendering this and that was fine i liked it! but then trying to figure out text to go on the papers was a Thing#i tried to do. but then gave up on! sometimes i have to pick my battles and graphic design is indubitably Not my passion bc Fonts#fun facts about this is i Actually did start with a quick sketch in mind and there's been so many changed elements. in the og the front#paper for instance had 'ardess murders' written on it and the back one said phaethon interviews.. i like the nominee list better it feels#more narrative-esque and less passive than her just holding her writing.! other elements that got discontinued were that#front beatrix was supposed to blur into the other ghostly beatrix but i couldn't do it without sacrificing clarity so... no... no blurry#oh and the red string morphing at the ends to smth more abstract was always there from the start!! og had more floating papers#and also a silhouette of vincent and a scalpel bc 'one who pulls the strings' but that (pun intended)! got cut (hahahahahahaha) (sorry)#used also to be a lot of print room clutter but that got cut to bc compositionally i made beatrix larger (learned lesson from last art)
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help this took so long (tagsss)
#he calls the mansion not a house but a tomb hes always choking from the stench and the fume the wedding party all collapsed in the room so#send my resignation to the bride and the groom lets go down this elevator only goes up to ten hes not around hes always looking at men down#by the pool he doesnt have any friends as they are face down and bloated snap a shot with the lens if you marry me would you bury me would#you carry me to the end to the vows you take (and say goodbye) to the life you make (and say goodbye) to the heart you break and all the#cyanide you drank she keeps a picture of the body she lends got nasty bruises from the money she spends shes got a life of her own and it#shows by the benz she drives at 90 by the barbies and kens if you ever say never too late ill forget all the diamonds you ate lost in coma#and covered in cake increase the medication share the vows at the wake (kiss the bride) if you marry me would you bury me would you carry me#to the end (and say goodbye) to the life you make (and say goodbye) to the heart you break and all the cyanide you drank to the last parade#(and walk away) from the choice you made (and say goodnight) to the heart you break and all the cyanide you drank to the vows you take (and#say goodbye) to the life you make (and say goodbye) to the heart you break and all the cyanide you drank to the last parade as the parties#fade and the choice you made (to the end)#to the end#my chemical romance#my chem romance#three cheers for sweet revenge#my chemical fucking romance#gerard way
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#dead can dance#brendan perry#4ad#toward the within#don't fade away#don't bring me down now let me stay here for a while#you know life's too short let me bathe here in your smile
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.
#not special not special not special!#DON'T let yourself be happy!#it's only temporary it's ALWAYS temporary!#absolutely fatal flaw to give your heart away#it's never for anyone else to hold#no one wants it long-term#and you're never anyone's match#so just STOP#learn to be lonely GET USED TO IT ALREADY#same freaking song and dance my entire life#standing at the edge of the circle but never actually belonging#i'm blue but everyone else is orange#and i don't wear the orange mask well#sometimes they let me stand there and wear it#sometimes they see past the mask right away and demand i leave#or sometimes i'm allowed to cling to the edge as they laugh at me#but the point is that i. don't. belong.#anywhere. with anyone.#and my heart is just a fun little plaything for people for awhile#it hurts so much. to keep reaching out and offering it with trembling hands and tears in my eyes.#wondering if THIS time will be different#it never is it NEVER IS#what's wrong with me that i keep freaking hoping#that someone just might care about me the way i care about them#it's never real#temporary temporary temporary i don't WANT temporary#so why do i keep doing this#it's so hard to watch the fading...#to have been happy. for just a little bit. and then watch them forget about your heart as theirs gets excited about another.#and then you watch as they have found their better match
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is there ever gonna be a more tender and profoundly adoring way to let go of someone than "your love will be safe with me"
#i should honestly start a tag about this song cause i think about it so often..........#i'm walking away making the conscious choice of leaving with the best of you. the love that you had for me#i'll carry it and cradle it in my heart. it's a promise it's an inevitability it's as natural as it can be#there will be effort put into taking care of it. i wont let myself forget you loved me. i wont let the truth that you once did it fade away#bon iver#re: stacks#and there's the tag...........
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just thinking thoughts
#hmm… sappy moment rn but#y'all have given me so much over the past few years and it helped me get through so much shit#like i never would've posted or continued writing if it wasn't for all the love i got on my stuff (or maybe i would yk but i wouldn't post#any of it)#and i've had so much fun creating all these stories and characters – ruin you cmi atrw c&f etc etc#like 3 years ago i never would've thought anyone would love these silly ideas my brain comes up with so much#support them and be kind about them and also give ME as a person so much love?? ykwim? like im not used to this much affection#but i'm so thankful :') i do feel valued here… and i hope life stays gentle enough for me to be able to finish all this#like to finish cmi and all the other stuff i want to share before i leave this place… i hope the passion never fades#and that y'all stick around too <3 that whenever i do leave some day i don't regret not finishing something#but go with a content heart and with the hope that my stuff will be loved even when im away and the blog's archived#y'all are amazing :') it was easier to hold on over the years truly#sigh yeah that's it.. this got very long i know but if you read it all – ily :') <3#maybe dl?? maybe not let's see
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Tag drop: Jingliu
#tag drop#jingliu. [ and so i wield my blade to the very end. until the “stars” have been cut down from the sky. this oath: i will never forsake. ]#jingliu: ic. [ trapped in childhood nightmares; she tore off a spread of black silk from the edge of her skirt and covered her eyes. ]#jingliu: inquiries. [ ice waves as sharp as knives spreading like transient flowers in the air. freezing all and everyone they contact. ]#jingliu: countenance. [ when you live to be a thousand years. each day is carrying the weight of a mountain through an interminable maze. ]#jingliu: introspection. [ why do you wield a sword? / this is like asking a poet why they wrote poems. this is the only way for me. ]#jingliu: meta. [ this sword in my hand... naught but a needle compared with the heavenly bodies. how can i use it to cut open a star? ]#jingliu: little notes. [ this is the first time she understands “wanting to live”. before now; she was simply someone ready to die. ]#jingliu: wishes. [ unsheathing this sword without merit is to blaspheme the divine will of the reignbow arbiter; and invite calamity. ]#jingliu: etc. [ to the xianzhou; i am but an abandoned pawn: a wandering swordmaster. ]#jingliu: the sword. [ if a day comes that the quivers run empty; and starskiffs crash who will protect you and i then; or the xianzhou? ]#jingliu: florephemeral sword. [ a sword: 3 feet; 7 inches in length. weighing nothing. and it glowed as if a sliver of moonlight. ]#jingliu: shattered sword. [ a sword: 5 feet in length. weighing 3000 catties. unyielding: mirroring the defiance; hubris of its creator. ]#jingliu: cangchang. [ when devoured; we had to face the truth that our lives were but a grain of sand in the river of time. ]#jingliu: hcq. [ their faces still linger before my eyes like a bygone dream. yet dream will eventually fade. like clouds from the sky. ]#jingliu: memories. [ given the choice between staring at the abyss with a troubled mind and marching blindly: i choose the latter. ]#jingliu: jing yuan. [ in an endless night; there is nothing closer than the bright moon. always hanging in the sky. ]#jingliu: imbibitor lunae. [ even after your rebirth. your techniques haven't changed. / when i move it's like… / … like you never forgot. ]#jingliu: baiheng. [ the things that we said and did together have all been shrouded in a layer of mist. a mist i cannot see through. ]#jingliu: yingxing. [ some are born with unparalleled foresight; intelligence; but make the ill-advised choices at destiny's crossroads. ]#jingliu: blade. [ that broken sword... you don't want to let go of the past. do you; blade? ]#jingliu: yanqing. [ that move was a token of my appreciation; young man. we were fated to meet this day and in days to come. ]#jingliu: v. youth. [ you can use this to vanquish those that took everything from us. ]#jingliu: v. sword champion. [ she knows it all. swords are a part of her body: the intake and release of her breath as she walks. ]#jingliu: v. traitor. [ and i will suffer my eternal punishment. that is the only way to keep the memory of the pain from fading away. ]
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Just thinking about the fact Sora died because of the poison she drink to save her kids, because she is gentle and kind. And her only son who the desesperate act work is as kind as her.
But the StrawHats don't know she did that, this is something he don't have the courage to tell. And they know even less that Sanji is ready to do the same.
He isn't pround of that, but he ends up discovering the poison she drink and even have the recipe of how to do it. Because the germa soldiers teached them this and others poisons.
And this little fact is like a silent threat, a thing that if the crew discovers this, would be attentive about anything he drinks until they're certainly he's not gonna do the same thing his mother did.
And when the StrawHats learn about this fact, the exactly thing he expected happens, he notice Chopper and Robin always near the kitchen with the excuse of how's there was calmer, Nami and Usopp start to do his drinks for him or always are looking him while he's doing it, the others does things too. And Sanji notices all of this.
It's needed months to calm the crew, but still after they stop, all of them always have this fear in the back of they're minds (Luffy even goes as far as asking Law to do a check up on Sanji the next time they meet), that he will do this, but they want to believe he will not. They really want to.
(Just a thought that come to my mind yesterday, and I wanted to share, y'know? Based on some headcanons)
Oh, damn. This honestly hits close to home and it's really interesting so I wanna talk about it. But, you know, it's a serious topic so:
TW // Suicide, poison, self-harm, depression, etc etc you know the drill about Sanji and his issues. I don't go deep, tho, so It's not THAT explicit but could be triggering.
I think that after WCI and Wano, they'd all be worried. Sanji has always been pretty self-sacrificing with everyone and he doesn't value his life in the slightest. He doesn't show signs at first of being actively suicidal but the way he treats his own life makes it clear that he gets into self-sabotaging situations to the point of it being considered self-harm or even passive suicidal behavior. He just- Doesn't care about dying because he puts others first all the time. He has been doing that forever and Skypiea is just one of the times he does that. But, y'know, they never notice that. At least not everyone. I think Zoro is the first to know because of Thriller Bark, honestly. That's one of the biggest signs imo. But then they're separated and it's not like they can talk about it. Then two years happen and uh, shit goes downhill after that because WCI is just utterly traumatizing for Sanji and Wano makes everything worse to the point of asking Zoro to kill him if he loses himself. And we always say that's really gay (because it is) but we ignore the whole point of Sanji genuinely asking somebody to kill him without any fucking hesitation. And he spends all of Wano having the biggest crisis of his life wondering if he's human enough or worthy of being in the crew and???? What the actual fuck. Anyway, I think the crew ends up finding out about everything and I don't believe Sanji is well mentally after all of this. I know they don't write it like this because things are happening and they have to go to Egghead, but I think Sanji would end up really fucked up after WCI and Wano to the point of being worrisome.
If they do find out about the poison thing and Sanj's suicidal thoughts (honestly, I don't know how they would even find out about it unless Reiju tells them or Sanji snaps and yells about that, but, y'know. The point is that they know and Sanji is getting worse) I think you're completely right and they'd be all over him. Because that's exactly what happens when somebody acts this way. They look after him to a suffocating extent and watch his steps. They take turns to watch him. They prepare his drinks. They even make up something so he doesn't have to be on night watch so he can sleep, because he's probably not sleeping either. Or eating well, for that matter, which is what makes them all worry even more in the first place.
And hear me out, because I think he would try to do it. Like- Commit, I mean. Not gonna get into the topic too deep but I think he'd try and I think it wouldn't work because somebody would help him right away and I think he'd try to play it off as a mistake and a misunderstanding, but everyone would know. And he'd just try to ignore their pep talks and interventions.
This is projecting from personal experience and everyone goes through these things differently, but God, I think he'd fucking hate it if they looked after him. Because he knows he won't do it again. At least he doesn't want to do it again. But everybody keeps looking after him like he's about to break at any moment and it's so damn annoying to not have any type of privacy because they think he's gonna off himself the second he's alone. And he gets why they're doing it and appreciates their efforts to look after him, but acting this way is not the answer to his problems. It's just asphyxiating and it isn't helping him get better. You know how the crew is, they're NOT subtle and careful with anything and they're just-- They have good intentions but it's suffocating and he can't handle it anymore.
And I think he'd snap. I actually want to write a fic about this if you let me use your idea (I will credit you, ofc) because I think it'd be great to make him snap at Nami, specifically, and then regret it completely.
Long story short because this is getting long: I think Brook and Robin would end up talking things out with him because they're the ones who understand him the most in this situation. He'd apologize to Nami but also everyone else would apologize too for acting this way, they were just worried and wanted to look after him. I think, after this, the only ones watching Sanji would be Brook and Robin and they'd do it carefully, supporting him and helping him get better. And the whole crew would be next to him along the way but doing it with less assertiveness and just gentler.
I think the concept of Sanji thinking about death so often is great because it adds depth to his character and it's not a crazy thought. I think it's pretty damn canon, actually. At least him being careless about his own life.
#so i never talk about these things here bc trauma but i've gone through shit like this and people don't let me go near medication alone#and it's been YEARS#and it's only stressful because they don't let you do anything on your own once shit like this happens and you lose all sense of privacy#like your whole identity and intimacy you could have fades away and i understand why sanji would snap at them#i think he'd regret it right away and he'd apologize and nami would understand perfectly but damn it hurts anyway#i could go deeper on this analysis but idk if it's a topic i should talk about on tumblr bc it's triggering for some#i think you understood what i wanted to say tho#he gets better dw#robin and brook are like- obviously the ones who have gone through shit like this ofc they'd understand him#anyway i always love to talk about sanji's mental health issues#he's very depressed has anxiety and probably bpd and an ed but that's a topic for another day#and he's also a sweetheart and deserves to be happy#we're all about positive thoughts here and i swear he gets better#one piece#black leg sanji#straw hat pirates#tw self destructive behavior#tw suicide#please be aware of the tags it's a really sensitive topic and i don't want any of you to be triggered :(
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dawg, one thing abt me is that i've always been an advocate for yukine and yato's happiness.... so i'm just curious.... WHEN EXACTLY WILL ADATCHITOKA PAY FOR THEIR CRIMES AGAINST THIS KID AND HIS SILLY SELF-PROCLAIMED DAD 😭 LET MY BOYS REST MAN DAMN
#NO BC THIS ABSOLUTELY WRECKED ME#YUKINE HOLDING ONTO YATO AFYER HE SAW HIM FADING AWAY I CANT DO THIS#BRO HAS JUST BEEN THROUGH IT AND NOW HE'S GONNA LOSE BOTH YATO AND HIYORI AT THE SAME TIME ATCYALLY GONNS#naw i gave up on the direction of this manga ever since father decided to create his lil nation#i ABSOLUTELY DISLIKE THE DIRECTION THEY WENT FOR#and SEKKI SHOULD'VE FINISHED OFF FATHER NOT HAKKI I SAID WHAT I SAID#but anw LET MY BOY REST FR HE'S BEEN THROUGH SM SHIT ADATCHITOKA U CANT KEEP GETTING AWAY W THIS#i'm actually sobbing this part hurt me sm 😭#noragami#yato#yukine#noragami spoilers#i still love noragami despite the writing. i've just been way too emotionally invested in the story and characters for years#save my boys bro#they've had enough fr#no bc wHAT HAPPENED TO YATO 😭#ion even wana think abt it bro. i see nothing but tragedy and absolute pain in the next & last chapter#adatchitoka is so gracious giving us a whole month to prepare for what's to come 🥰#man i hope yato is okay 😭 i doubt it tho 😭😭😭😭😭#mine
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I’m dying
and you’re standing in front of me, screaming
“Learn how to live”
— Pars Cor, Oct 10th, 2024
#you just can’t understand#your ways is part of what’s killing me#depression is not just having a bad day#it’s like I never really learnt how to live#living is slowly dying#end it#tired#this may be life but it’s not living#trying to explain is not trying to complain#and that’s why I don’t tell you anything anymore#dead inside#fading away#just let me die alone#DOA#imported filth#adoption is trafficking
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Someone tell me why I dreamt of diluc of all people. WHY COULDNT IT BE ONE OF MY FAVES INSTEAD??
#it was super cute too#like some kind of forbidden romance and he was brutal to everyone that got in our way but super gentle and sweet with me#but diluc is just a pretty man to me#nothing more#why couldn’t it have been capitano or childe or scara or cyno or tighnari or kazuha#or literallt any one of the hundred of genshin men I actually simp for#anyways gonna let these fake post-dream feelings fade away now
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whatever you do, dont think abt Linger by the Cranberries but it's Nandor's pov 🥲
#nandermo#wwdits#what we do in the shadows#guillermo de la cruz#nandor#ohhh i thought the world of you~#I thought nothing could go wrong But I was wrong#I was wrong~#when Harvey made that post abt s5 and Linger i obvs thought he ment from Guillermo's pov#but now im like???#its about someone knowing their partner is cheating on them and their relationship is slowly fading away#and they just want them to tear the bandaid off so to speak#instead of draging out this torture of lingering#And I'm in so deep You know I'm such a fool for you You got me wrapped around your finger~#Do you have to let it linger?~
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thry have the perfect sun/moon dynamic but u guys arent ready to hear that js yet 🤫🤫🤫🤫🤫🤫🤫🤫🤫🤫🤫🤫🤫🤫
#something something kano being associated w nighttime/the darkness. like even his hoodie . or at least thats how i see it .#and#konoha is admittedly less tied to the daytime/summer stuff but LET ME FINISH#but theres even a few ties in the konoha no sekai jijou lyrics ummmm#(pretend i put that tiger deepfake gif here)#ok going to the vocaloid wiki for a moment BYEBYE#BACK!!!!!#“The sounds of a withering sun and the sweltering eyes of the blazing flare” / “The next two people saw such a pale-blue dream”#“The mocking sunbeams vanished somewhere” / “Even if the cicadas already start stridulating”#LIKE YA hes not as blatantly tied to it as kano but. i think ive proved my point#ALSO ALSO ALSO THE PHOTOS I PUT IN THE POST !!!!!!!#these arethe only two frames in this kind of “setting” in children record#and likeeee ya you can argue theyre not related but. i personally believe they are .#um#um.#where the buildings are cut off on the end of kanos side . they continue over on konohas#same w the sky that fades TO a dark blue on kanos into fading FROM a dark blue on konohas . in the same spot#idk yea im grasping at straws idk where the fuck i was going with this ummmmmmmm#kano is facing towards the light while . konoha is facing away from it#sorrry that doesnt really prove my point i just really like this scene#i think i doodled a small thing of . this scene and how i think it wouldve played out in-universe .#UM YA I DONT KNOW WHWRE I AAS ORIGINALLY GOING WITH THAT#moral of the story . konokano is sun/moon coded. thsnk u for coming to my ted talk#GIRL BYE I JUST REREAD ALL OF THIS WHY DID I TYPE THIS#oh also thatone kano valentines day/themed art where its all in konohas colour scheme and.the background is donutsGETS SHOT#BANG BANG BANG 💥💥💥💥‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️🔫🔫🔫 BANG!! 🔫🔫💥💥💥🔫🔫‼️‼️💥🔫 GET HER ONE MORE TIME 💥💥🔫🔫🔫💥‼️💥 BANG BANG BANG💥💥🔫🔫🔫💥#rambles#konokano
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I gotta remember my irls have my discord so i cant go: Datte datte warukunaimon. Anata ga yurushitai to negaundamon. Hotto shichatta shoganai ne watashi wa itsumo kawaiso nano
or atashi vanpaia? ii no? succhatte ii no? "mou muri mou muri" nante warui ko da ne
#or say the actual translation of any milgram song because it will be like “I'm sorry” wont reach anyone at all or just the two of us i feel#a little tingle inside our love links us together just me alone the warmth starts fading away lets reload the warth#mug talks
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